Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
