whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
