If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize