I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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