u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
