so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
