yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
