You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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