I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
