have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
