I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
