): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
