Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
