He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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