Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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