would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize