I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
