3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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