Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
