what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
