I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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