I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
