I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
