I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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