You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
