kristin has been a bad kristin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
