They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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