Christians are straight up FREAKS
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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