i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you will always have a special place in my vag
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
