I puked a lego.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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