Sober January is a disaster.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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