At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
