I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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