...so i touched it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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