I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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