This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
