I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
only if we run a train.
done.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
