also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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