were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
a search helicopter?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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