So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
