Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
