You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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