At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
