Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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