3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
