Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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