oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
