Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
