I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
