I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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