She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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