I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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