i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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