I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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