I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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