she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
