Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
