Umm I'm too high to move.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
