They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
