I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
