He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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