Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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