I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
