i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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