i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
