I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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