3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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