ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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