Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
