it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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