He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
