i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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