I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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