i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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