Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
