After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
