considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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