Jerry, you need to find god
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
