am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
